a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
