he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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