So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
