Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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