I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
