Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
