I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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