it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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