So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize