he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
