totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
