um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
