Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
