i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
