he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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