there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
