He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
