Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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