I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
All the doctor said was why
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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