My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
