WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
