Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
