it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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