He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
