He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
