Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
