A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
God, I missed his penis.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize