God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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