Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
