just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
