If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
