Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
wow bdsm is so cute
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
