Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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