It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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