we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
