I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
