I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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