if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
