as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
