Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
