Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
