We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
