i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
