The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
