everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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