overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
