38 yer olds are good kisserssss
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
