Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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