I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
