he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
