he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
