the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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