mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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