About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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