so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
