hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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