I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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