I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
