im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
