um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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