it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
