Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
