your parents love me but you hate me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
