Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
