Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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