this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
