No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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