Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
