It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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