the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
