happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
