oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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