Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
