I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
