Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize