I am in a vortex of obligation.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
