Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i've created a new STD.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
