Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
