Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
