Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
