Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
