If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
