if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize