my vag is so smooth its legendary
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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