Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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