apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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