Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
