I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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