I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
