If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She told me I should be a condom model.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
