Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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