just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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