Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
There's even glitter on my cock...
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