You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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