My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
