He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize