That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
