At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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