my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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