whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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