dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
