im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
