My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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