Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
