so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
