I wish I could teleport
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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