I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
