so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize