i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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