I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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