wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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