All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
