I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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